I sing a song of love to my King. A song of love to the one who has never left me or betrayed me. To the one who knows my heart better than I. Is it any wonder that whenever I return to Him I am like a teenager who is feeling infatuation for the first time?
Every time I seek God’s face through worship music, I am suddenly released to be a mushy-gushy little girl again. I can love as deeply as I want. I can be as emotional and passionate as I want, and He freaking loves it. God is jealous for my love. He wants all of my attention, because He knows it is best for me and that I’m happy when I give Him attention. He knows every time I gaze at Him I will cry because I am so happy and so struck by His adoration for me…
He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. This is what it feels like to be loved as you are. Love is such a generic word, but envision this: the GOD of the universe, literally UNDONE by the very sight of you. God is always undone by the sight of you, but imagine when you turn to look back at Him for just a moment. He melts. He died for you so when you look back at Him, His heart radiates because you can see Him (like getting “the butterflies”). You move Him. A single glance at Him triggers something that we will never fully feel or understand until we return to Him. I’m so in love with my Jesus. I’m in love and I don’t want to hide from Him. I don’t have any shame in coming to Him. Why wouldn’t I want to be around someone whose heart I ravish. He is not disappointed, He is not angry. He is in love with me. He is in love with you.
There is a secret place that we can go to and experience this type of intimacy and tenderness. I reluctantly went to that secret place, but God met me the second I walked in. Take that first step and turn on your favorite worship song and just take a moment to look at Jesus. Look at His face….and let your heart become undone!
don’t have a song? here ya go ;)
Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.
I moved to Boise, Idaho two days ago. Yes, “the land of potatoes.”
I am SO EXCITED to be here! What in the world am I doing here you may ask? Well instead of the long, drawn out description of this amazing organization- let me show you. Click the link that’s attached to the bottom of this post.
Monday through Wednesday I will primarily be working with refugees and Brent Southcombe-the executive chef, but there are several other people on this team that make it work.
I will also be visiting the farm quite often to see and learn about the food CCG(Create Common Good) grows and try to be of any assistance to the team on the farm.
Thursdays and Fridays I will team up with Brent to talk to different restaurant managers, to help land these amazing refugees jobs.
I’m staying at the most wonderful family’s home while I’m here. The Marshall’s. They are quite the active and healthy bunch which means I couldn’t be any happier. They have two sons- Nate(13) and Jake(11). They both love the Lord and are geniuses.
I have my own room, bathroom and 3 closet spaces. I’m spoiled here! I keep on asking the Lord, why. Lord, why have you blessed me with such a beautiful room with plenty of space, a wonderful family, a great team to work with, and so many opportunities while I’m here?
Geesh, I don’t know why He did that, but I have an idea!
I’ve been home from Kona for about 7 months now. It has been hard.
I knew I wanted to come to Boise, but I had to wait until I got my driver’s license again. After getting my license, the date to come to Boise kept getting pushed back. I wasn’t going to school, didn’t have a job, and couldn’t drive. This was my worst nightmare.
With so much time on my hands, I ended up thinking too much about things that only made me feel worse. I felt self-hatred creeping up…creeping up hard! I knew that coming to Boise would make me feel like I had more of a purpose.
I did everything I could to find God in the midst of my discomfort, but my voice was speaking louder than His. I couldn’t wait to leave home. I needed an outlet.
I started to feel pain again. I began crying out for God to rescue me from my problems, but I got nothing. So I made a list.
I told God, If you don’t do these things for me, I don’t know what I’ll do. You have to meet me in Boise and heal me of these burdens in my life. Needless to say, I came here with expectations. My mom and I started driving up this past week and even on the drive up, the Lord started answering my prayers. God was putting ideas in my mind. Things that I KNEW were from Him! I was so overjoyed. In the middle of a fourteen hour trip! haha.
With all that said, I believe the Lord has taken me to this point to rest. To become more healthy. Not just physically, but mentally and spiritually. And I feel it. I feel freedom, grace, wonder, and amazement at every moment. I’m ready to take on these next four months with all I have to give. God, use me to do your will. I am at your feet thanking you for placing me here. No one knows me better than you.
So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord-who is the Spirit-makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you.
- This is so profound because when I was weak and felt duped, who led me here? Jesus. I am in a place of healing and restoration because of Him. I am not stuck in the mud. I am mobile! Praise Him!
Well it has been a long time since I’ve written on this blog and I apologize for that! Man, what a blessing it is to be able to write down what the Lord is doing in my life and putting on my heart. I love you guys!
I’ve been home for almost 2 months now and God has been showering me with blessings. Everything I’ve prayed for, He has given to me. All the visions I had while I was in Kona and New York are being lived out. I’ve gotten the opportunity to speak in Fusion (the high school ministry), My Father’s House (A wonderful church in Pasadena), on stage with my Dad in main service, and to several young girls who have a similar story as mine and have a passion to know God better. God has given me a spirit of boldness, I couldn’t do any of this without Him. I used to be way, way too self-conscious.
Being back home makes me feel like a million bucks. Everybody here is so supportive of what I’m doing and who God has made me to be these past 8 months. I’ve never felt so much love from so many people in my entire life!
I prayed that the Lord would show me love and favor when I came home and boy has He proved Himself faithful!
I’ve come in to a season of celebration. Celebration of the life God has redeemed me of. Heavy drinking, an eating disorder, insecurity, and anger has all been given up to Him-the ultimate healer. I would never be open about my struggles unless I truly believed that God is here for me and relentlessly loves me like His child. I am His daughter. Forever and ever!!
The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.
- OH MY GOODNESS! Is it just me or is this too good to be true? No wonder God was able to change my whole life so quickly, the same spirit who raised my Lord, Jesus Christ from the dead, lives inside of ME!
And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.
- do I need to say anything? How beautiful is that picture? The Holy Spirit prays for us with groans that can’t be expressed in words. We are never alone.
The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.
-I will hold tight to this promise. Each time. He’s my rescuer :)
“The foolishness of the cross will confine the words of the wise.”
-This is cool. No matter how wise or knowledgeable you are, you can’t deny the power of the cross because that type of love doesn’t make any sense.
I felt so lucky that God came down in the form of a human to prove that this love could be both not of this world and of this world. Of this world because Jesus paved the way for us to do the same, and not of this world because no matter how hard we try, His love is so great that it can never be described-fully and perfectly-until we see Him face to face.
“I’m saying this based on how much I’m loved.” -Eddie Brown
-What if everything we said and did was based on how much we’re loved, not how much we’ve been hurt, cursed or abused by the world?” Yesterday, David-one of my brothers on the team-brought up the emphasis on love. It’s so important to focus on not just loving each other but constantly reminding ourselves that we are His beloved :)
“We got to die so that He can live”
-At first I was like, THIS IS SO GOOD and I prayed: Lord, remind me to die to myself everyday
Then I read:
“You don’t have to look like anyone else; you can have heroes and be discipled by people, but BE FREE TO BE YOU”
-This was hard for me because I was trying to figure out how to die to myself and be free to be myself at the same time.
Then I tried to think like a child would think and realized it’s okay to not have it all figured out, or know “who we are”. In fact, it would make us more open to our surroundings and new things if we kept our eyes on God and let HIM tell us who we are. DTS is so exciting because we stop listening to what or who the world tells us we are and only listen for what God says about us. Through God we get to be FREE to be ourselves but more specifically, FREE to be the Jesus that lives inside of us!!
-to be more like a child
-constantly give me clarity on who I am
-give me confidence to be the person you designed me to be
All I am is more hungry than before. I’m hungry for more of You, Jesus. I’m so aware of how much a struggle life is without You and I don’t want any part of it. Wake up my senses to your presence.
It’s so easy to lose sight of what He’s done for me. The world tells us to not trust any one. To keep our walls up an critique and judge everybody. But Lord, allow me to become like a child and come to you broken and needy, every day. The Lord says, “Listen to me! For I have important things to tell you. Everything I say is right, for I speak the truth and detest every kind of deception. My advice is wholesome. There is nothing devious or crooked in it.” -Proverbs 8:6-8 I love that He is so trustworthy. He’s so perfect, I can put all my faith in Him and expect nothing but glory!
I believe that the greatest gift God gives to me (or my personal favorite) is joy. I feel so close to Him at this very moment, especially because I am so happy. It’s so nice to give it all up to God. Just put everything in His hands, you know? As I reminisce about life before ywam and the blessings He’s given to me in NY, I can’t help but chuckle to myself about the powerful transformation He’s done in me. Oh Lord, You know my hearts desire.
I’m just so pumped and fired up for this week!! I started it off well (and early). Today I went to Redeemer church and listened to Tim Keller, ate at a scrumptious Vegan restaurant- Candle 79, caught up with family, got lost in the word, and here I am. Tomorrow my dad comes to visit, WOOHOO! His energy always inspires me to get more exhilarated for Jesus. I can’t help but be in awe when I think about how long he’s been in ministry for, yet His heart is still so tied with the spirit everywhere he goes. I’m so blessed. I have to give love to my mom too, because every time I talk about God she gets rocked and starts tearing up, smiling, and encourages my enthusiasm with words of wisdom. She’s so precious. This week I’m committing to writing at least twice. I want to-more specifically-write what God’s saying to me and what I’m learning.
Don’t you just love new revelation?! Lets unveil more of His love this week.